Wednesday, January 7

Eel The Pain.



Over the past couple weeks, me and the Missus have been catching up on the unbelievably breathtaking documentary Planet Earth. This Emmy and Peabody Award-winning series is more or less the greatest nature spectacle ever produced, taking over five years to shoot and capturing almost 11 hours of never-before-seen footage. I encourage all of you to either buy the DVDs or watch the repeats on the Discovery Channel when they re-air; you’ll piddle a little, and that's a promise.

Of the many things that Planet Earth has reinforced for my eternal respect and love of the world we live in, it’s also done some irreparable damage to my psyche in the form of a brand-spanking-new fear: Eel Schools.

I’m a guy that has very few fears. I don’t like the water, the infinite and certain inevitability of my death is constantly looming over my shoulder, and if a grinning midget peeked around the corner of my cubicle at work, I’d probably crap straight through the seat of my ergonomic chair. But that’s about it. However, upon watching the ‘Shallow Seas’ portion of Planet Earth, I saw footage of about ten billion eels slithering in tandem through the waters, and I freaked out so hard that I dropped my veggie burger onto the remote control and cranked my head away from the TV until a Bowflex commercial came on and cooled me out.

I honestly don’t know where this came from. I love eels. I always check them out at the pet store, and even contemplated owning one for a time (“You can’t keep it in the tub” was the Missus’ final ruling). Perhaps it was the sheer number of the damn things, or the terrifyingly precise way they sliced through the water like flying snakes. And goddamn it anyway, can you even fathom how scary life would be if snakes could fly? I mean, can you?

If, for some unforeseen reason, someone where to strap a scuba tank onto my back and heave me into the fringe waters of the Indian Ocean, I’d assuredly curl into a tight ball and vibrate until I exploded upon first sight of a roving Eel Mob. Sadder still, I just discovered a giant, animated eel in the ‘Koopa Cape’ track of MarioKart Wii, and I’m now having a hard time even wanting to play it anymore. And that was my favorite track, you bastard-ass eels!

This is serious stuff, it seems; and completely out of nowhere, I might add. I always figured that me and eels were cool. I wanted to get to the root of the problem and find out just where this was all coming from, so I called my mother, who reminded me that I was raped by an eel at a family reunion when I was five.

Totally forgot about that; mystery solved.

Monday, January 5

Vote CDP For The 2008 Weblog Awards!

The 2008 Weblog Awards

Last week, the Missus e-mailed me at the office to let me know that the CDP had been hand-picked as a finalist for the 2008 Weblog Awards. After taking a few minutes to gently dab the spittled coffee off of my khakis, I went to the site to get the scoop, the skinny, the poop and the straight dope.

Out of 5000 fan-nominated blogs, the fine folks at the Weblog Awards spent weeks sifting through them all, judging each one via a carefully-based formula that seamlessly takes into consideration the amount of time spent blogging in direct proportion to the amount of quality work done and the overall better place the Internet is due to said blog.

Then, they just stuck some names on a dartboard and started flinging, and I was selected as one of the ten finalists for the 'Best Hidden Gem' category! The jury's still out if I should be pleased that after five years, 900 essays and a published book, I'm still considered a 'Hidden Gem,' but hey, that's all right by me.

Now, I'm no stranger to kicking ass in Blogging contests. You may recall that the CDP turned heads in the 2008 Bloggers Choice Awards, where we took 4th Place in the Pop Culture category, as well as 4th Place in the Most Well-Written category. This time, we're going for the EPIC WIN and soforth, and we need your help to make it happen!

TO VOTE, JUST CLICK ON THE ABOVE LOGO AND CHECK THE BOX NEXT TO THE COMMUNIST DANCE PARTY'S NAME; SIMPLE AS THAT! YOU CAN VOTE ONCE EVERY 24 HOURS PER COMPUTER, SO VOTE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK ON EVERY COMPUTER YOU HAVE! POLLS CLOSE ON TUESDAY THE 13TH.

Thank you very much in advance. Sound off in the comments section, send any questions my way and enjoy your week.