Thursday, May 8

The Great American Milk Chug.

The Great American Milk Chug.

Today, I'm outsourcing my material to longtime CDP Alumni (and frequent drunk-dialer to CDP World Headquarters), Spork Nation's JT.

If you follow JT's blog, you'll know that he's been taking requests over the last few months for stunts that he can record and post onto the YouTubes. Last week, he tested the long-standing theory that it was impossible to drink a gallon of milk in under an hour. Sounds easy, right?

Here now, the scientific findings.



This clip has everything I normally look for in a great YouTube clip. Friends daring each other to do something seemingly impossible, anticipation, intrigue, a task that's logically doomed to fail, dry humor, and a little bit of vomit. It's an instant classic, and worthy of recognition.

If you like what you see, don't forget to head on over to Spork Nation and send JT a little love. After all, look what he did to entertain you!

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

Tuesday, May 6

Lost Monday - "Something Nice Back Home."

Lost Monday - Something Nice Back Home.
Season 4 - Episode 10: "Something Nice Back Home."

Another Lost Monday is upon us (albeit a day late). We have much to discuss.

After the relative hesitance and foot-shuffling of Season 3, Season 4 of Lost has been nothing less than a bullet train of awesome, fueled on nothing but cocaine, death and Red Bull. I point to this as one of a few good things that came out of the Writer's Strike (American Gladiators being the other).

In fact, I'd say that the last two back-to-back episodes of Lost have been the best in the history of the show. Rife with mythology, character development, death and panties, Season 4 has delivered in a huge way; almost enough to make me prematurely forgive the writers for the upcoming Season 5 snoozefest that's sure to result.

There has been bloodshed. There has been romance. The Smoke Monster returned to tear someone's face off. Kate has shown various stages of near-nudity on two consecutive occasions. What more could you possibly want?

I'll let you ponder that while we dig into The Thick & Meaty!

Thick & Meaty.

ON THE BEACH WHERE THE BEACH LIVES:

Daniel is trying to avoid being murdered for lying to the castaways about the true intentions of the Boaties. Jack joins in on the fray, only to have his appendix explode from the side of his abdomen. Will Betheboy tips a 40oz. in respect and mutual empathy.

As Sun, Jin, Daniel and Charlotte are collecting supplies for Jack's appendectomy, Jin notices that Charlotte can understand and speak Korean. He uses this opportunity to remind Charlotte that he wants Sun off of the island as soon as possible, lest he have to start shooting bitches left and right.

Rose tells Bernard that Jack has gotten sick for a reason; as 'people don't get sick on the Island.' Bernard covers her mouth with chloroform so he can take a nap, then does the same to himself.

Juliet prepares to remove Jack's appendix, and he insists he be awake for the operation. Juliet tells Jack that he doesn't need to impress her with feats of masculinity. Kate gets to hold the mirror so he can watch himself get carved up like Christmas goose. Bernard gets to knock Jack out if he gets too whiny. He does, and he does.

After the successful surgery, Juliet tells Kate that Jack is cuckoo-bananas crazy for her. Kate giggles and roller-skates off into the darkness, as Jack scribbles hearts onto the back of his spiral notebook. Awww.

In The Jungle.

IN THE JUNGLE WHERE THE JUNGLES LIVE:

Sawyer, Claire and Miles are wandering back to the beach, when Miles has a John Edwards moment (John Edwards the psychic, not John Edwards the con artist) and recovers the bodies of Rousseau and Karl. Sawyer finds this a bit disconcerting, and puts a 20-foot 'restraining order' on Miles concerning contact with Claire. This is similar to the restraining order I've been legally obligated to follow with Cate Blanchett.

As a side note, Sawyer has been awfully kind and protective of Claire lately. This means that either he's about to be killed off, or he's just on the rebound after his breakup with Kate. Claire does remind me of that one desperate friend of the popular girls that goes out with all of the guys that get dumped by them. The Island is pretty much High School with better clothes; prove me wrong.

Frank stumbles out of the jungle (he knows no other gait), and tells the trio to hide from Keamy and his approaching army of jerkasses. Frank covers while they hide, and they make it out unscathed for the time being. Keamy doesn't care to discuss his run-in with the Smoke Monster, but one of his guys appears to be missing a face, so it's sensible that he's quiet on the matter.

In the middle of the night, Claire catches a glimpse of Christian Shepard (her dad, as well as Jack's dad), and toddles off into the jungle with him. In the morning, Sawyer and Miles find Aaron alone in the jungle, as Sawyer does his best Michael impression ('CLAAAAAAIRE!')

In The Future.

IN THE FUTURE (And please be honest; what's it mean?):

Jack and Kate are living out a seemingly perfect relationship after their Island rescue, raising Aaron as their own.

Then he starts seeing his dad, which freaks him out as you'd assume it would.

Then a somewhat-insane Hurley tells him that he thinks the Oceanic 6 are all dead. Hurley reminds Jack that he didn't want to have anything to do with Kate and Aaron until after her trial, and that they're living out their fantasies in Heaven. He talks about seeing Charlie, giving Jack the message that he shouldn't be raising Aaron. If this isn't all frustratingly brain-melting on its own, Hurley then tells Jack that someone will be coming to visit him.

Putting this kind of pressure on Jack is like adding unnecessary weight to an already-rickety structure. In a matter of days, he's washing down prescription pills with booze and neglecting his razor. The transition between this Jack and 'future' Jack becomes rather clear.

Later on, Jack proposes to Kate, which she willingly accepts, to my hilarity. I love how the writers addresses the off-island situation with Jack and Kate, giving all the 'shippers' their moment to see those two crazy kids truly happy, although feeling the lurking dread that it's all destined to fall apart. That's awesome to me; throwing away these big scenes with the promise that we already know what's going to happen.

Jack sees his dad again, pees a little and falls off of a countertop.

We find out that Kate is doing favors for Sawyer (not those kinds of favors, douche), fulfilling a promise that she wanted to keep to him. Jack is rightfully angry about this, as he explains that Sawyer decided to stay on the island, and that he's basically old news. Kate doesn't want Jack drunk and spittling all over Aaron, to which Jack replies that she's not related to Aaron (foreshadowing his knowledge of Aaron's pedigree, or merely a jab that Kate has Claire's baby). Kate runs off with Aaron, and Jack runs off with a case of Bass Ale.

Smash cut, episode over.

Jerk Of The Week.

Jerk of the Week accolades go out to Christian Shepard this time around. After all, he's been almost solely responsible for Jack's downfall, along with his infidelity leading to the existence of Claire; arguably the most annoying and least-necessary Lost A-lister thus far.

Suck it Christian; you're an inspiration to egotistical zombie ghosts everywhere. I hope you die...twice.

We're moving fast today; try to keep up. Let's Break It Down!

Break It Down.

4 - When Juliet writes out the list of medical supplies needed for Jack's appendectomy, she spells 'forceps' as 'forcepts,' and 'gauze pads' as 'gause pads.' Either the prop department had an 8-year old write out this list, or we're left to assume that Juliet is a stone-cold retard.

8 - Jack's lab coat in the hospital spells his last name as 'Shepard' instead of 'Sheperd.' Again, they really need to leave the props to someone that doesn't suffer from dyslexia.

15 - This episode filled in the gap that took place after Kate's trial, yet before Jack lost his mind. We have yet to see how their relationship solidified after their rescue, and why Jack was so reluctant to form a relationship with Kate before and during the trial.

My guess? Perhaps something about pretending to raise his nephew as his own son. Just a hunch. Oh, and I'm quite certain that Kate is crawling with some sort of super STD that turns your central nervous system to butterscotch-flavored Snak-Pak.

16 - So, what sort of favor is Kate doing for Sawyer off the island? If I were a betting man (and I am; the Missus no longer lets me go to the casinos), I'd assume it has something to do with his daughter, Clementine.

Or, she's not really doing anything for Sawyer, and she's working on some sort of con with Benjamin Linus. That would be a neat little twist. I like how that bug-eyed little turd has his hands in all of the cookie jars.

23 - Miles saw Christian because Miles sees weird stuff. Why Claire and Jack are seeing Christian is still anyone's guess, although I think we're going to discover something next week that should answer a lot of those questions...for better or for worse (read The Preview for more on that). I also find it interesting that Sawyer actually sat down and had a conversation with Christian in a bar back in the day. Man, that Shepard guy has more contacts than P. Diddy.

42 - I like Crazy Hurley. Crazy Hurley represents the fringe Lost viewer; the wacky-theory viewer that wants to explain the entire show away with one simple explanation. These people are going to be sad little kids come Series Finale time; a show like Lost will never answer all of your questions, nor should it be able to conclude with an all-encompassing explanation. To do so would be to not give the show its due in regard to the vast layering, themes and events. Shame on you, Crazy Hurley!

Before we get into The Preview, it's time for the Question of the Week!

Question Of The Week.

In the opening sequence of this episode, we see Jack trip over a Millennium Falcon toy, presumably belonging to Aaron. Now, I don't peg Jack or Kate to be big Star Wars fans, nor do I think that Aaron should be watching a film like that anyways, considering that he wasn't a day over two years old during that flash-forward. So, what's it doing there?

Seriously. Think about it for a minute, and I'll give you the proposed answer (as ripped from Lostpedia).

A - In Star Wars, Luke Skywalker was raised by his uncle, as Aaron has started to be raised by his uncle in this episode. Star Wars also features a brother and sister (Luke and Leia) who did not know they were related.

Wow. Good looking out on the part of the writers and producers. Either that, or it was merely a huge coincidence that we're giving them far too much credit for.

Cover your eyes! Spoilers ahoy! It's time for The Preview!

Cabin Fever.

1 - Episode 11 will be titled 'Cabin Fever,' and it will be Locke-centric. It will be a flashback episode for our favorite mono-kidneyed explosion enthusiast.

2 - The official episode description from ABC reads: "Locke is enlightened as to the whereabouts of Jacob's cabin, and life aboard the freighter becomes perilous."

3 - Expect to see cameos from the following notable people: Christian Shepard, Matthew Abbadon, Horace Goodspeed and Richard Alpert. Wow, there must be a lot going on this week, from a multitude of angles and avenues.

4 - This awesome tidbit comes to us from The Transmission: "The flashback revolves around John Locke, and it's a flashback to the very beginning of his story: his birth. We'll also see Emily, his mother, in her younger days (presumably before her time in Santa Rosa, and before she betrays John Locke for his father's kidney hunt). But someone else is wandering the hospital: the ageless and eerie Richard Alpert, looking quite dapper in a suit."

5 - After 'Cabin Fever,' there will be only two more episodes this season, spread out over three total hours. Episode 12 will air on May 15, with the two-hour season finale airing on May 29 (notice the week off in between episodes). Then it's a long wait until January 2009 for Season 5.

Well, there you have it, another Lost Monday in the books. Start the conversation in the comments section, send all erotic photography to communistdance@yahoo.com, and catch up on every Season 4 episode by reading the Lost Monday recaps below. Cheers.

Lost Monday - Episode 1 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 2 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 3 Pop Crunch Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 4 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 4 Pop Crunch Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 5 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 6 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 7 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 9 Recap.

Monday, May 5

Lost Monday - Lost Tuesday Edition.

Lost Tuesday.

Lost Monday will arrive tomorrow. I've spent the bulk of the weekend moving into my new place, painting alcoves and trying my hand at various other things I've never done before, nor am I particularly good at. This will result in some decent stories I can share with you in the near future, but as far as having a few hours this previous weekend to hammer out another awesome Lost Monday, it just wasn't the case.

I can tell you that so far, the moving process has been going well. Me and the Missus have moved four times in the last six years, so we've become somewhat of a well-oiled machine on the matter. Sure, we're hemorrhaging money and throwing our backs out with every vanload of unnecessary purchases, but that is to be expected. Besides, it will all be worth it in a few weeks.

Until then, I can offer nothing more than to start the conversation in the comments section, and hope that you enjoy your day. I have boxes to lift.