Friday, September 7

Hogwash.



Last week, we tossed Laika into the sink for her first bath. Click and enjoy 5 minutes of unfathomable cuteness, along with what's left of your Friday.

Oh, and the CDP Nationwide Mix-Tape Trade deadline is today! If you were part of the trade, make sure your mixes are mailed out by the end of the day! Again, if there are any problems with communication, please let me know and I'll take care of it. It's my hope that there will be 18 mixes in 18 mailboxes for 18 smiling faces throughout next week. Make it happen! Also, if you want to reward my hard work by sending me a mix, just send it out to the address I mailed all of you earlier on in the week.

Also, Geek Kon 2007 is coming to Madison this October, and they're bringing with them a Guitar Hero II Tournament! Never one to pass up the chance to prove once and for all that the CDP is the greatest cyber-shredder in the Midwest, I've been offered a spot in the competition. Here are the official rules, straight from the Geek Kon Gods themselves:

"The Guitar Hero II Tournament is limited to 16 competitors. The difficulty setting will be Hard, and we will not be incorporating the unlockable songs. The preliminary round will consist of the judges drawing two songs out of a hat, and having the 16 competitors play both of them. The 8 competitors with the highest combined score will be seeded 1 through 8 in the tournament, based on their total preliminary score."

"The tournament will be best two-out-of-three songs, with the finals being best three-out-of-five. In each match, the higher-ranked competitor will have the option of picking the first and third songs, with the lower-ranked competitor choosing the second song. In the finals, the higher-ranked competitor will get to choose the first, third and fifth song, with the lower-ranked competitor choosing the second and fourth. The winner of each song will be determined by highest score."

"Once you choose a song to play in the tournament, you are not allowed to choose it again for the remainder. However, randomly-drawn songs in the prelims do not count, as well as songs chosen by your opponents. Winner take all."

It's on, Geeks. I'll be bringing my own axe.

Finally today, I bring you this moment of zen from Facebook. This single sentence in my 'mini-feed' might be one of the funniest things I've ever read on the Internet:

Earl Peterson went from being "it's complicated" to "single".
No disrespect to Earl or his ex-girlfriend; it's just funny how a simple change in status can tell such a complex tale. I laughed pretty hard; it looks like something you'd see in the sidebar of The Onion.

Have a good weekend.

Monday, September 3

The CDP 2007 Fall TV Preview.

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For the third year in a row, the CDP presents to you the Annual Fall TV Preview. Again, the following represents what the CDP will be watching this upcoming season, along with a few suggestions as to what you should be viewing this season, as well.

This season.....man. I can't remember a new season of television with so few promising new shows. In fact, I'll only be checking out about 5 new shows, and I only plan on continuing to watch about 2 of them after a week. The typical routine of watching the networks try to out-do each other with the same exact premises and formulas has really reached a level of suck that far out-reaches even the last few awful seasons of television combined.

The return of the prime-time soap opera? Show after show about CEO's, corporate executives and wealthy getabouts? Do people actually want to see this crap? Nobody that I spend any time with does, and if you're a fan of this page, chances are you're in the same boat as me. Let's get into it, shall we?

MONDAY

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7:00-8:00 - Antiques Roadshow (PBS)

My wife's favorite show returns for another year of crushing dreams and turning inbred hicks into instant millionaires. Why is it that the ugliest stuff is always worth the most?

7:00-9:00 - IFL Battleground (myTV)

With mixed-martial arts finally gathering enough mainstream appeal to be mentioned on SportsCenter, networks are moving heaven and earth to get some sort of MMA programming on their station. The International Fight League may not be the UFC, but it still contains a lot of the rising stars you'd expect to see in the Octagon in a few years. Who knows? One day, you might even see the CDP in the ring, getting his skull crushed to malt powder by some Russian dude.

7:00-10:00 - Monday Night Football (ESPN)

Okay, so Brett Favre's (seemingly) final season with the Green Bay Packers appears to be dismal at best, downright embarrassing at worst. Nevertheless, every NFL game feels important when it's on Monday night, even when David Carr is involved.

8:00-9:00 - Heroes (NBC) - BEST BET!

Will Heroes fizzle out in their sophomore season, or will it cement its place in TV history? Based on early projections and previews, they seem to be getting the job done. Honestly though, I'd watch six hours of men pooping into plastic bags if it was hosted by Hayden Panettiere.

8:00-10:00 - Monday Night Raw (USA)

The #1 rated show on cable television hits you with two hours of live entertainment every week. Regardless of your opinion of the WWE, it remains one of the few truly 'live' shows currently on television, which is always an exciting thing. Throw in a new city, a new venue and 18,000 screaming fans a night, and you have yourself a full-blown spectacle, my friends.

TUESDAY

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7:00-7:30 - Cavemen (ABC)

Screw you guys; I'm giving this show a chance. If anything, just to see the train wreck.

7:30-8:00 - Carpoolers (ABC)

One of only a few new shows I plan on watching this season, Carpoolers will hopefully be the Sons & Daughters or Arrested Development of the 2007 season. Starring Fred Goss (creator and star of Sons & Daughters) and produced by Bruce McCulloch (Kids in the Hall,) it's a single-camera show about...carpoolers. Cross your fingers and hope for the best.


8:00-9:00 - House (FOX) - BEST BET!

Season 4 of House is looking to be pretty interesting, in that Dr. House lost his entire staff during the season 3 finale. Early commercials indicate that he will be hiring a new group of understudies, which should give the show a much-needed shakeup. Hugh Laurie is, as always, the best male actor on television, which is reason enough to watch this medical drama. That faux-American accent alone should net him another Emmy.


8:00-9:00 - Dirty Jobs (DISC)

Mike Rowe travels the nation and participates in some of the most disgusting and back-breaking jobs on the planet. That is interesting (and hilarious) enough, but Mike's self-depreciating wit and intelligence really make this show enjoyable. They air this show almost around-the-clock on the Discovery channel, so it's impossible not to give it a chance at some point, you jerk.


9:00-10:00 - Cane (CBS)

This is another new show I feel like giving a chance, merely because it seems so out there with their plot and acclaim. A wealthy Cuban family runs a sugar and rum operation out of South Florida, and it stars Jimmy Smits. What, what?


WEDNESDAY


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7:00-8:00 - Pushing Daisies (ABC) - BEST BET!

Here's another weird new one from ABC. The press release reads: "Pushing Daisies is a forensic fairy tale that focuses on Ned, a piemaker with a mysterious ability to make the dead live again. The gift is not without its complications, however: if he touches this being a second time, they'll be dead permanently. If they live for more than 60 seconds, somebody else nearby will die." This has been the best-reviewed new show of the season, and it claims an extremely dark sense of humor that never lets up. I'm sold, for now.


7:00-8:00 - Kid Nation (CBS)

I'm only watching this because I can't believe it's legal. How cool is that?


8:00-9:00 - Mythbusters (DISC)

The Missus doesn't like Mythbusters because she argues they don't 'solve' anything anymore. That being said, this show about testing Urban Legends in real-life situations is still a ratings smash for Discovery, and is still just as funny and educational as ever. Plus, there's always a chance someone will get killed.


8:00-9:00 - Ghost Hunters (SCI)

Plumbers by day, paranormal investigators by night, Ghost Hunters is the first and only 'ghost' show that takes the skeptical approach to everything. If you enjoy the paranormal, but like to see how people get tricked into believing the unbelievable, this show is fantastic. Not only that, but when they are surprised by something unexplainable, it's just about the scariest thing on television.


9:00-10:00 - The Ultimate Fighter 6 (SPIKE)

It's like American Idol, only the contestants fight each other. Um, need I say more? Hands-down the best reality show on TV, TUF gives aspiring MMA athletes a chance to live in a house together and throw down for a UFC contract. Oh, and Dana White is the baddest-ass mo-fo on the planet.

THURSDAY

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7:00-7:30 - My Name Is Earl (NBC)

Kicking off the fantastic NBC Thursday night lineup is Earl. Even though Jason Lee has gone from pro skateboarder to indie film poster boy to stereotypical, rich Scientologist actor, you can still count on Earl to generate the biggest laughs from the darkest places.

7:30-8:00 - 30 Rock (NBC)

What will it take to convince Tina Fey that me and her were meant for each other? To me, all I have to do is hijack a plane to New York City, kidnap Ms. Fey and explain to her why our senses of humor are a perfect match. She's sure to understand and run away with me. Right?

8:00-8:30 - The Office (NBC) - BEST BET!

The Office is the funniest, smartest and most well-rounded comedy in years. Long-ago eclipsing the legacy of the UK original, it had made Steve Carrell a bona fide star and convinced the academy and general public that different is almost always better. If only we could have seen the same thing happen with Arrested Development and Sons & Daughters.

8:00-9:00 - TNA Impact (SPIKE)

In recent months, I've been kind of embarrassed to watch this show. Never mind. They are, however, getting another hour added to their schedule, so they have that going for them.

9:00-10:00 - UFC Unleashed (SPIKE)

Are you a new fan to the MMA game? Do you want to get all caught up with who the rising stars and grizzled veterans are in the UFC? Unleashed shows 3-5 classic UFC fights a night for absolutely free, which is absolutely freaking fantastic as far as I'm concerned.

FRIDAY

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7:00-8:00 - Deal Or No Deal? (NBC)

I won't be watching Deal Or No Deal. I just wanted to have at least 5 shows spotlighted each night. I have OCD. Like Howie Mandel. See how I tied that all together? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to alphabetize my socks again.

7:00-8:00 - American Band (FOX)

It's like American Idol, but with bands! The potential for suckitude is at critical mass with this one, which only makes it more appealing to me. If there's one thing funnier than a terrible musician, it's a terrible group of musicians.

7:00-9:00 - Friday Night Smackdown (CW)

I was shown on this show once, so I wanted to mention it. The Missus, too. I TiVo'ed it. It was pretty cool.

8:00-9:00 - Friday Night Lights (NBC) - BEST BET EVER!

Listen up and listen good. Friday Night Lights is the best show on television. It's better than Lost, it's better than 24 and it's better than Grey's Anatomy. It boasts the best cast, the best cinematography, the best music, the best writing and the best theme. I love it, the Missus loves it; I've even gotten my friends to love it. You will love it.

In an unprecedented move, NBC is currently selling the First Season of FNL for $20. They're even offering a money-back guarantee if you don't like it. As this is a seriously critically-acclaimed show (the best reviewed show of 2007, as well as the most-nominated show) with low ratings, NBC did what FOX should have done with Arrested Development and put their faith behind the product. To hopefully boost the Season Two ratings and appeal to their already-rabid fanbase, they are essentially giving the DVD's away because they are certain you'll love the show. I promise you, it's that good. Spend $20 on the DVD, and prepare for Season Two of your new favorite show.

9:00-10:00 - 20/20 (ABC)

Holy crap, this show is still on? Rad!

SATURDAY

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7:00-7:30 - Cops (FOX)

It's amazing to me that there are still two shows on FOX that premiered at the same time the network itself premiered. The Simpsons won't run forever, but Cops sure will.

7:00-8:00 - Dateline (NBC)

"Why don't you have a seat over there, I have a few questions for you. My name is Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC, and we're currently shooting the Greatest Reality Show Sting Of All-Time. Is there anything you'd like to say at this time?"

7:00-10:00 - Saturday College Football (ABC)

I once saw legendary Wisconsin Badger coach Barry Alvarez at a Wal-Mart in Madison. I didn't follow him around long enough to see what he was buying, but I'm assuming it was something awesome.

7:30-8:00 - Cops (FOX)

Because one shirtless, blurry guy just isn't enough.

10:30-12:00 - Saturday Night Live (NBC) - BEST BET!

The current cast of SNL is fantastic, and this might be one of the best seasons in recent memory. Their writing is strong, their male and female cast is tight, Weekend Update is as funny as ever, and the Lonely Island's Digital Shorts have put SNL back into the teenage and college-aged viral market. Not too bad for a show that's over 30 years old.

SUNDAY

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6:00-7:00 - AFV (ABC)

I heard that Ricki Lake was to be joining on as the host of AFV this season. Are they trying to get canceled? If there's one way to ruin a potentially-endless formula for humor, it's a woman that made a career of ignorance and paternity tests.

7:00-7:30 - The Simpsons (FOX) - BEST BET!

The Simpsons has altered my personality and sense of humor in ways I'll never be able to fully comprehend. In fact, it's done the same thing for pretty much everyone else in the nation worth talking to.

7:00-8:00 - Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)

Ty Pennington is contractually obligated to take his shirt off every week on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Watch as him and his crew of whining crybabies build an amazingly beautiful home for someone who will be dead in six months anyways. Nah, I'm just kidding, I really like this show. Mainly because they really do build some great houses. Every time I'm done watching it, I always spend hundreds of dollars at Sears for some reason.

7:00-10:00 - Sunday Night Football (NBC)

Al Michaels and John "Complete Drunk" Madden return for the latest season of Sunday Night Football. The fact that they air this at 7pm means that it always runs until close to midnight, so it's sort of a pain to have a Packer game on a Sunday night. Fortunately, nobody cares but me.

7:30-8:00 - King Of The Hill (FOX)

King of the Hill is like a Golden Retriever. Loyal, dependable and always there when you need it. For a while, King of the Hill was consistently funnier than The Simpsons, priding itself on an animated show that could be shot live action with little to no changes. The anti-cartoon, if you will. Mike Judge is a genius, and he shows that with incredible subtle dignity on this show.

MIDSEASON

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Time/Day TBD - The It Crowd (NBC)

This is a new American comedy based on a successful British comedy of the same name. Quite frankly, I don't know too much more about it, but I'm giving it a shot when Midseason rolls around.

Monday - 8:00 - 24 (FOX)

I won't be watching 24, but I have an idea of how it's going to go. For such an original and groundbreaking idea, it's gotten pretty tired as of late. Whatever; it'll win an armload of Emmys, so what do I know?

Tuesday - 7:00 - American Idol (FOX)

Okay, so season 6 of AI was pretty terrible; I think we can all admit that. But the ratings were as high as ever, and there's still proof that Idol's stars have immense success on the music shelves. Let's just hope that season 7 will finally give us a winner we can all get behind.

Friday - 8:00 - Jericho (CBS)

Proof that if you whine loud enough, CBS will fold like a house of wet cards. Way to go, nerds!

Wednesday - 8:00 - Lost (ABC) - BEST BET!

Season 4 of Lost once again propels us into a completely different plot and way of telling the story. More new characters, flashbacks and flashforwards, the promise that the story won't end with our beloved castaways simply getting off of the island; Lost is continually re-writing the television drama, and they're only halfway through telling their story. Now that's scary.

By the way, Season 3 of Lost Friday will return in February. I knew you were wondering.

CANCELLED

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Andy Barker, PI. (NBC)

So long, Andy Richter. Again. I watched your show. Unfortunately, nobody else did.

The Nine (ABC)

If you want to air a successful television show, you need to have a cast that people, you know, actually give more than two damp craps about.

Six Degrees (ABC)

See above criticism. Repeat as necessary.

Veronica Mars (CW)

I thought that this show was doing so well. What happened? I also read that Kristen Bell turned down the opportunity to be a cast member on Lost, so expect to never see her again, ever.....

Studio 60 (NBC) - BEST BET!

Rest in peace, show that didn't know what it wanted to be. Godspeed; I never missed an episode.

So, there you have it. A little peek at the new season, as well as a peek into what I'll be up to until May. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your week. The CDP will return with new content on Friday.

FRIDAY - Hog Wash!
ALSO FRIDAY - Mix-Tapes Are Due In The Mail!