Friday, February 10

Lost Friday - "The Long Con."

Season Two - Episode 13: "The Long Con."

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Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

Oh, sweet redemption. This was clearly the episode that 'Fire + Water' was trying to be. Slick character development, uneasy trust issues and soap-opera-esque back stabbery. This week, the castaways were shifting their good/evil tendencies like crazy, leaving the viewers unsure of what happened even after the episode was over.

Even though this was mainly a character episode, it was filthy with mythology. Inside jokes, easter eggs and head-scratching circumstances led up to really one of the best episodes of season two.

Now, make with the skinny! (This episode review was stolen from the Blogosphere without permission, as I am far too valuable a resource to waste on boring recaps):

THE SKINNY.

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("Jesus Christ, Locke. What are these?")

Jack's checking on guns and ammo. We learn that Locke's keeping the heroin for "therapeutic purposes," but is too superstitious to break the statues. Jack asks Locke for the combination to the armory. Locke gives it to him, reluctantly, after extracting a promise to consult each other before using it. Then Locke casually mentions that Jack might want to lock up the medicine, too.

On the beach, Sawyer taunts Charlie for getting tossed out by Claire and punched by Locke. Charlie points out that Jack's ransacking Sawyer's tent. Jack's taking back the pills Sawyer had in his stash way back when. Sawyer is not happy about this.

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("I had to take an entire bottle of these just to make working with Neve Campbell tolerable.")

Flashback- Sawyer jumps up, claiming to be late for a meeting. His suitcase falls open, revealing a bunch of money. We've seen him run this con before. This time, though, his lady friend totally busts him. She tells him she didn't take anything from her husband in the divorce and asks Sawyer to show her how to con people.

Back on the island, Kate teases Sawyer, who's cleaning up his tent. Sawyer breaks the news to Kate about Jack and Ana-Lucia pow-wowing. She pretends not to be bothered. She's not very good at it.

Hurley's brought Sayid the radio Bernard had, but Sayid tells him in no uncertain terms that it's useless.

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("Don't waste time skinning it, dude. Just throw it down my throat!")

Sun's working in the garden and hears something rustling in the jungle. You can totally tell it's just Vincent though by the way the foliage is moving. He runs out to Sun and then quickly runs away. A sudden downpour starts. Just as suddenly, Sun is restrained, hooded, and abducted. On the beach, Kate and Sawyer hear Sun's cries and run to find her knocked out with her hands tied. Sawyer sends Kate after Jack and returns Sun to the beach. Jack arrives to take care of her and gets the story from Kate. Ana-Lucia declares, "They’re back."

The rain's stopped. Ana-Lucia wants to go after Sun's attackers, but Locke vetoes the idea. They plan instead to wait for Sun to wake up so they can find out what happened. Everyone's sort of surprised about the attack since Zeke promised them an uneasy truce. Sawyer and Kate try to follow the trail the attackers took. Sawyer thinks something's fishy. They find a hood, but Sawyer says it's not just like the one the Others used on Kate. "It’s all in the details," he says. He suspects Ana-Lucia's trying to scare people into joining the army.

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("Damn. I was so sexy, my nose done gone and broke.")

Flashback- Sawyer's showing his lady friend how to set up a junk jewelry con. "It's all in the details," he tells her. He tries to sell some fake gold jewelry at a gas station and Cassidy offers to buy some. Then everybody else at the gas station does, too.

Back on the island, Kate wants to know how well Jack knows Ana-Lucia. Ana tells Jack some more people want to sign up. Jack asks her where she was that morning and she gets indignant. Claire comes to tell him that Sun's awake, thereby saving him from having to answer Ana-Lucia. Sun tells Jack what happened. She knows about as much as we do. Jin is understandably upset and Sun tries to calm him down. "Gun," he says repeatedly in English. Kate suddenly realizes that it's all a setup by Ana, trying to get her hands on the guns. Kate wants Sawyer to warn Locke that they're coming for the guns.

Sawyer warns Locke about the posse coming after the guns. Sawyer admits to telling Locke just to piss off Jack. He suggests that Locke change the combination. Locke asks for his help in moving the guns, wanting Sawyer to man the station while he stashes the guns.

Flashback- Sawyer orders a meal in a diner. Some guy- his partner Gordy, it turns out- joins him. Sawyer tells his Gordy he's not going to get the money from Cassidy. He threatens Sawyer and Cassidy if Sawyer doesn't get the money.

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("The books beat me at ping-pong again, Sawyer.")

In the hatch, the beeping's started, and Sawyer's taking his sweet ass time entering the numbers. Jack and Jin show up. Sawyer feigns ignorance about Locke's whereabouts. Jack finds the armory empty. Sawyer feigns ignorance about that too, then tosses the confiscated pills at Jack. Jin stops Jack from going after Sawyer. Man, he always knows the right thing to say. I mean, it's almost always in Korean, but it seems to do the trick.

On the beach, Locke is merrily tending a fire. He refuses to tell Jack where the guns are, claiming he was about to violate their agreement. Locke claims guilt for teaching Michael how to shoot. Jack's yelling for Locke to give him two guns when shots ring out. Sawyer reveals that he has the guns now. He got the ups on both Jack and Locke. He's more than a little pissed that they swiped his stash while he was gone. Sawyer says he's done taking orders. From now on, anyone who wants guns is going to have to come to him. "I'll die before I give 'em back and then you'll really be screwed, won't you?" he says. He declares that there's a new sheriff in town, and they best get used to it.

Flashback- Sawyer returns home to Cassidy. He directs her attention to Gordy, waiting in a car outside. He reveals that she was the long con. Sawyer claims that he does care about Cassidy and that Gordy's going to kill them if he doesn't get the money. He tells her to wait for him at a motel and tells her he loves her.

Back on the beach, Sawyer's cleaning one of his guns. Kate wants to know how Sawyer pulled it off. He won't tell her. Kate's mad that Sawyer used her in his con and wants to know if he had anything to do with Sun. Kate armchair-therapies that Sawyer did all this because he wants people to hate him. He claims he did it because "a tiger don't change his stripes."

Hurley's reading a mystery manuscript he found. Sayid brings him the radio, which he fixed, but tells him not to expect anything. They receive Rousseau's signal, and then something that sounds like old-timey radio commercials. Then period music starts playing very clearly. Hurley's impressed by the strength of the signal but Sayid warns that it could be coming from anywhere. "Or anytime," Hurley kids.

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(Thinking about what Jin's going to do to him, Charlie silently whizzes in his shorts.)

In the jungle, Sawyer offers Charlie one of the statues as a reward for his help. Charlie refuses it; he just wanted Locke to look and feel like a fool. He asks Sawyer not to tell Sun about the part he played in their con. He wants to know how Sawyer even came up with the idea.

Flashback- Sawyer goes out to the car, which is empty, and waits for Cassidy to leave. He counts to mark time and then goes in after the money. He wistfully looks at a picture of him and Cassidy before placing it face-down.

On the island, he tells Charlie he's not a good person and never did a good thing in his life. I think we all know at least the latter part isn't true- when he told Jack about his dad comes to mind- but for some reason I hesitate to think that Kate might have him pegged.

Good recap, random person. CDP, make with the numbers!

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(This represents the number of lines that Eko had in this episode.)

THE NUMBERS.

4. First off, did anyone see that coming? I sure didn't. Sawyer and Charlie make a strange team. Sawyer’s firmly in control of his lackey now, because he has the drugs and the goods that would get Charlie slaughtered by Jin. Even though he's been a real jerk lately, I didn’t see this coming from Charlie. Don’t you think there was an easier way to get back at Locke, than to set up something so elaborate and tricky? Nonetheless, Sawyer is right where he wants to be again, a hated man, just like in season one.

When we first saw the clip of Jack taking Sawyer's pain pills, it reminded me of Locke taking Charlie's stash. I realized that those two have a lot in common. They're both outcasts, they're both stashing contraband, neither of them are to be trusted at all, they're both full of intense self-loathing, and they both committed revenge murders in the past. Come to think of it, why didn't we see this coming? Charlie has crossed the line now, and will probably never be trusted by anyone again should his secret get out. On a personal note, nobody attacks Sun and stays on my good list. Totally and completely unnecessary.

I didn’t realize how sick of the Jack/Lock power stuggle I was until I saw that Sawyer had conned them both. In a way, I was happy about it, because I honestly think he’s the best person to give the guns to (besides Sayid). He’s not going to just hand them out, and he doesn’t care if people hate him. Also remember that he was none too happy about seeing Kate getting threatened by Zeke, so maybe he’s doing this so he can be in the fray when they start hunting the Others. You can’t train an army without ammunition. He said it himself, ‘there’s a new sheriff in town.’ How cool was that?

8. On the mythology front, something’s going on with Vincent. He’s always around before something weird or bad happens. It’s been speculated in the past that he’s the special one, and not Walt, and this could mean that he's working as a mole for the others (seriously?). I also like the artificial downpour that shows up out of nowhere all the time. Clearly not Mother Nature’s doing. It must also be noted that Michael might be working for the Others now, perhaps striking a deal to get Walt back.

15. A lot of people were speculating about the ending of the flashback. My take is that Sawyer conned them both, end of story.

The episode ran parallel with the flashback. Everything Sawyer had ever done has been to con everybody but himself. He capitalized on the Charlie/Locke quarrel by using Charlie to take Sun to further tarnish Locke's reputation. In doing so, he set Charlie up for a long con, meaning a hard fall to soon follow (his secret being found out). This worked right along with Sawyer wanting to get back at Jack, and the fact that Locke and Jack were at each other's throats; it was like an equation that fell into place for Sawyer. Knowing that Charlie had previously been outed by the group, Sawyer knew this was the answer to getting what he wanted. It was brilliantly calculated.

16. It’s interesting that Charlie didn’t want the drugs, and didn’t take them from Sawyer, either. We also found out why Locke didn’t break the statues when he put the drugs in the vault. That is, if you believe him. Frankly, I think that Locke might keep them around in case he needs to jerk around Charlie again in the future.

23. Easter Eggs Ahoy! Here are just a few things you didn't know about this episode:

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("Damn it, why can't I ever find the Torture Channel?")

A) The song that Sayid and Hurley hear on the short wave is "Moonlight Serenade" by Glen Miller, a 1940's WWII era classic. Glenn Miller’s plane went missing during WWII.

Furthermore, I love the solitude and lonliness of the scenes where they try to contact the outside world. It adds to the mythology and theme of the show, and it's also terribly creepy. I hope they keep listening to it, just to see what they can pick up.

B) By the way, some nerd found out that the call letters named on the shortwave radio were WXR, which were the call leters used for Coast Guard Radio in Kodiak, Alaska in 1945. Did you just get the chills? I did. Make your own assumptions on that one. The WWII connections are too much to ignore, and now the idea that a WWII-era station is being beamed to the island is a bit too much for me to consider right now.

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(It's becoming painfully obvious that Locke can't really read.)

C) We see Locke handling the book, An Occurance at Owl Creek Bridge, by Ambrose Bierce. You may know that Ambrose disappeared under mysterious circumstances and was never located. The book is about a man who survives a hanging, only to realize that...well, check it out for yourself.

D) Kate's mother (Diane) is waiting on Sawyer at the diner during his meeting with Gordy. Have I mentioned that Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie of all time? That scene reminded me a lot of it, for some reason.

E) The name of the Construction Company Michael worked for showed up briefly during the flashback scenes. I didn't see it myself, and I'd rather not search for it right now.

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("The Joe Estevez story.")

F) 'Bad Twin,' the manuscript Hurley found in the wreckage, was written by Gary Troup, who died in the plane crash. This manuscript will actually be released as a book, which is a TV first.

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("Why is this episode rated TV-14 for violence? AAAUGHHH!!!")

42. Next week's episode (#14-'One of Them') was written by Damon Lindleof and Carlton Cuse, so you know it's going to freaking rule. If you saw the previews, you see the hatch clock hitting zero (again), Rousseau showing up with a (supposed) captured Other, and Sayid getting down to some torturing business to get much-needed information. This will be a Sayid-centric episode, and it also looks like Jack and Locke are going to have another serious spat. Seriously, it looks amazing.

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("Well, it beats watching Invasion.")

Still no word on the Aronofsky-directed episode. I'll keep my eyes peeled.

So, there you have it. As always, here's the CDP library of Lost Fridays for your archival pleasure. Sorted chronologically for your protection and mine. Thanks for stopping in this week. E-mail me at communistdance@yahoo.com, or sound off in the comments section. Later.

SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 6
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 12 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 11 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 10 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 5
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 4
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 3
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 9 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 7 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 6 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 2
SEASON TWO - RERUN EDITION
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 5 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 4 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 3 REVIEW
SEASON TWO - EPISODE 1 REVIEW
SEASON TWO PREVIEW

Thursday, February 9

Take It Sleazy. (Again?)

The following post is once again rated:
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For sexual content and dialogue.

An Open Letter To My Loud Neighbors, With Whom I Share A Bedroom Wall With.
-By: The CDP.

Hey.

You probably don’t know who I am, but I know more about you than you think. Frankly, I know more about you than I ever really wanted to know. I feel the need to share this information with you, as I would want the same respect and disclosure given to me if I were in this situation.

You see, I’m your neighbor. We share a bedroom wall. I’m sure you’ve heard me from time to time. I'm the guy who likes to yell at the television when I’m angry, or talk loudly to my cats using embarrassing baby voices. I consider myself a person who keeps mostly to himself, but I’ve been known to cause a disturbance or two in my time. I sincerely apologize if these fleeting moments have ever made life difficult for you over there. It was never my intention.

For example, last week I was singing OMD's 'If You Leave' very loudly in the bedroom, whilst changing my pants. A friendly tap on the wall, and I would have shut right up.

I’ve lived on the other side of the wall for a year and a half now, and I like it here. I don’t know exactly when you moved in on the other side, but that matters not.

When you were considering these apartments for rental, you may have been drawn to the brochure bullet point that stated we have soundproof walls. As you probably know by now, this is clearly not the case. Sound travels through the walls like they were made of wiffle. ‘wiffle-walls,’ as I like to call them from this point forward. Because of these afformentioned walls of wiffle, I’ve had the misfortune of unwillingly being a part of your most private and intimate encounters. Here then, is the reason I’m writing to you today.

You two have sex a lot. I mean, a lot. Far more than most married couples, energetic high schoolers or even rabid young newlyweds for that matter. I don’t care if you’re married or not; frankly, I don’t care about anything on this planet that doesn’t directly affect me as a person. Unfortunately, because of these wiffle-walls, your bedroom business has become my bedroom business.

On Sunday morning, I woke up at 7am to hear the two of you going at it. This troubles me, mostly due to the fact that you woke me up five hours earlier than I wanted to awake. That same night, you continued your transaction from around 10pm-12am. On Monday, I heard you from about 9-10pm., and again from 11-12am. When I woke up on Tuesday at 5:30am, I heard you again. This 5-times-a-day minimum routine has been going on for at least solid week, but I'm sure you already know that.

On any given morning before 8am, I’m so tired I can barely walk to the phone to call in sick, and you two have already consummated your love twice. You have got to be kidding me. You're like the sexual version of the Marines.

This letter isn’t about the frequency or quality of your lovemaking, though. It’s about the volume. Weather we like it or not, we can hear each other, and we’re going to have to do something about it. I’ve made necessary steps to keep the noise level down on my side. I keep the TV and stereo to a decent level, I don’t shout near the bedroom wall that we share, and I’ve taken an unspoken oath of celibacy since I realized that our intimate lives have become a two-way street. I have a great amount of neurotic distain that far outreaches my deepest primal desires. I'll wait until you move if need be.

Speaking frankly, you are very loud people. I’ve never seen you and I don’t know what you look like, but you’re both probably huge. I image that you’re both a shade over 7 feet tall, weigh a combined metric ton and are genetically attracted to beds with rusty springs. I’m glad that you two found each other and made a vow; you deserve each other’s general company and hugeness.

When you get down to the business of getting down, however, it sounds to me as if a smaller person is trapped in between the two of you, begging and pleading for his or her life as you both beat him to death with aluminium cans and gutteral, piercing howls. That’s honestly what it’s starting to sound like over here. I’m considering calling the cops, for fear you have a secret prisoner or slave. On any given day in my house, it sounds like I have a cheap porno playing somewhere in the background.

Now look, I’m not one to disrupt a good time. I’m not the type who would bang on the walls and get angry. Instead, I’ve taken to not sleeping at all or NyQuil’ing myself into submission before even entering the bedroom. This is simply no way to live, and something needs to be done. My poor wife suffers the most, because she has to sleep not only with the sound of you two, but with an emotionally damaged husband next to her, questioning his every decision and life choice, while chewing his fingernails to the marrowbone. She deserves far better.

I’ll be positive. Perhaps you are attempting to conceive a child, and you have been consulting charts and cycles to maximize your times of optimum fertility. Good for you! I’ll have you know, however, that birthing a child will greatly hinder your extracirrucular energy and independent lifestyle. More importantly, I can tolerate your raucous behavior far more than I could ever tolerate a crying baby. I hate children.

I didn’t want this to become my business, but it’s directly affecting me in a negative way. It would be far overstepping my bounds to tell you to do something about it, but I wanted to bring it to your attention so that you may consider removing me from your private life. All I ask is that you keep it down a shade. Here are some tips for accomplishing this task.

1. Rearrange your furniture. Preferrably, move your bed into the kitchen.

2. Channel your sexual energy and creativity into a quieter hobby, like running a small sawmill out of your apartment. Better yet, focus all of your free time on writing unfunny essays and reviews on a semi-popular blog.

3. Slowly stop talking to each other and drift apart emotionally. Become mere acquaintances in each other’s eyes, and watch the fire slowly get snuffed out and replaced by television and microwave popcorn.

4. Do it on the floor.

There you go. I assume that you will follow my brief and simple demands. Not one to wait for a compromise, however, I’m proposing a very serious and creepy ultimatum.

Listen, jerks. I know who you are, and I know where you live. I can find out worlds more about you by taking your mail and sneaking into your house. I can audio (and eventually video) record your exploits and post them to this very page, and send invites to your friends and family. Soon, I’ll be putting envelopes on your car with pictures of the two of you inside. I will make you as miserable as you have made me, until you eventually move out of state. I haven’t slept well in two months. My chest hurts from having to breathe extra-hard through the comforter I’m wrapping around my head at night. This has to stop. You really don’t want me to snap, and right now, I’m teetering.

I hope this letter finds you well. I wish I didn’t know so much about you, and maybe a few weeks from now, I won't.

Sincerely,
The CDP.

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UPDATE!

As you probably know, I didn't actually send this letter to my neighbors. I instead prefer to sink ever deeper into my own personal hell and deny everything. If you remember from the first post on this subject, the Missus wasn't normally subjected to it, due to her early sleeping patterns. When the neighbors decided to up the ante and quit their jobs for a life of round-the-clock boot-knocking, however, the Missus took notice. Within 5 minutes of being mildly annoyed one night, she did something I should have done 2 months ago.

She actually wrote a letter. A real one. And she slipped it in their door at 11pm. Here then, the actual letter she gave them:

Hello-

You don’t know me, but I also live in this apartment complex and share a wall with you. You may not be aware of this, but the wall we share is paper thin. I appreciate the fact that you are a loving couple and therefore do what all loving couples do in the comfort of their bedroom –unfortunately, I am getting a bit tired of being made a part of it night after night. This is a polite request to perhaps watch the volume on your nighttime escapades. It is beginning to cause me a considerable amount of difficulty in sleeping and also, quite frankly, it’s a bit uncomfortable to become unwillingly part of such an intimate part of your life. Thanks for your understanding!

It was a firm-but-fair letter, and I actually didn't want her to send it. My fear was that the neighbors would get into retalliation mode, and make things twice as bad. The fourth wall has been broken now. They know that we know, and that's weird for everyone. The logic behind the letter was that the noise couldn't get much worse, so we had nothing to lose. After 9 or 10pm, it becomes a valid noise complaint, just like if it was a stereo or loud party, so it's not like we were out of line or anything.

Look, taking sleep from me is easy, because I'm an insomniac. When you start to screw with the Missus and her 12-hour minimum, you shall feel her wrath. Now it's on.

More details as events transpire. Lost Friday redeems itself tomorrow. What a great episode.

Wednesday, February 8

The CDP Network.

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With all this recent talk about TV networks and programming changes and whatnot, I got to wondering what I would do if I had my own network. So, last night, I drank some tonic water and Victoria's Secret 'Lovespell' body spray, and did some brainstorming.

I didn't get very far, as everything went dark about four minutes in. From what the Missus tells me, I spit up on the couch and cried for a while, until she finally decided to go to bed. When I came to, however, I had a list sitting in front of me with some ideas on it. I will share them with you, although I'm pretty certain that the list was written by the Missus to make me feel like I had accomplished something.

So, here are my first 10 show pitches for The CDP Network:

Wake up with the CDP! - This would be a morning show that me and the Missus would broadcast from my living room at CDP Headquarters. Guests will include co-workers, people I meet on the street and area cats. We would talk about what we watched on TV the night before, and sip mimosas and amaretto sours instead of coffee and tea. Segments include The Missus' 'A Million Things I Hate,' along with my segment, 'Why My Taste In Music Is Far Superior Than Yours.' The show will always end with me trying very hard not to fall asleep as the credits roll.

How Low Can You Go? - This will be a game show that pits two contestants against each other. An awful task is put on a board (ex. push an elderly woman down a flight of stairs, hit a kitten with a Mack truck), and the players will take turns betting and undercutting each other with the lowest price they would do it for. This is not only a social experiment into the human mind, but a good excuse to make bad people do bad things. FOX will jump at this in a heartbeat.

Stalking The President - This will be a reality show that follows a contestant who's job it is to seccessfully steal a paperweight from the President's Oval Office desk. He will be armed only by the Patriot Act in his excursion; fortunately, this will give him plenty of access to any home or phone line in the country. Irony writ large; Russ Feingold will host.

The Surreal Life: CDP Edition - What happens when Tony Little, Flava Flav, Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Jerry Falwell, the corpse of FDR and I live on a pirate ship together? Tune in to find out!
Lost - Regular episodes of Lost, with me taking over the role of Jin.

Egg Nog Monkey Explosion! - The best TV show in Japan now has a home in the states. See bright colors, lightning-fast talking and the most sugar-charged pop music on the planet. What's it about? Beats the hell outta me, but I can't stop watching it!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - The CDP Network will renew MST3K for 3 all-new seasons, and pay the writing staff 1 million each per episode. It's the best show ever; buy the DVD's.

Grilled Cheese America - The Food Network and Travel Channel have officially passed on this offer, so I'll produce my awesome road-trip show myself. Each week, I'll take my RV to a small town in America, and eat a grilled cheese at the best Mom and Pop restaurant they have to offer. There, I'll chat with the locals, offer some insight into the town and buy some antiques. Wholesome and family-friendly, Grilled Cheese America is like a warm slice of apple pie in a huge, steaming pile of dog vomit.

Curdin' It Up! - This will be a spinoff of Grilled Cheese America, with cheese curds instead of an actual sandwich. Alternate titles are 'Curd On The Street,' 'What's The Curd, Hummingbird?,' and 'Curd, Curd, Curd; Curd Is The Word.' The Missus thinks these names are really funny.

Late Night With The CDP! - In contrast to the morning show, 'Late Night' will be hip and edgy, wrangling in that much-coveted '7-10 year old male' demographic the networks have been fighting over. Segments include, 'Action Figure Corner' and 'Time For Bed.' Russ Feingold will host.

What would you watch? Do you have any ideas to pitch? Sound off in the comments section. In 48 hours, Lost Friday will make you forget everything you thought you knew about...things.

Tuesday, February 7

"Well, That Killed Him."

Here are 5 points of interest to get you all caught up this week.

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Super Bowl.

In all honesty, the game wasn't terribly exciting, but it was great that the Steelers pulled it off. It really couldn't have ended any better. Bettis and Cowher get their rings, and probably a trip to the Hall of Fame in the near future. The pre-game and halftime festivities were an abomination as always, but I think we've come to expect that in this post-nippular world.

It should be noted that the Missus correctly predicted every single playoff game this year. All 11 of them. I don't know what the odds are on something like that, but I'm going to keep her close by when March Madness rolls around.

What about the commercials? There were a few good ones. The 'fly defibrillator' spot was good, as were most of the Budweiser ads ('secret fridge' being the best). I also got a kick out of the Career Builder 'monkey' spot, along with the FedEx 'dinosaur' spot. In all, there were a smattering of laughs, but nothing that I'll really think is funny a week from now.

My favorite commercial of the night was by far the ABC spot for Lost. If you didn't see it, it was a collection of clips montaged with the Robert Palmer song 'Addicted to Love.' Only in the commercial, they changed it to 'Addicted to Lost.' It was so mind-nummingly awful that it came back around the other side, becoming so bad it was awesome. In fact, instead of the Steelers, this commercial wins my Commie Award for the week.

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Check it out at ABC.com if you get the chance. There's a 3-minute version.

The worst commercials of the night? Well, have you ever seen a Pepsi Super Bowl ad that was good? Their new slogan for Diet Pepsi ('Brown N' Bubbly') sounds more like an intestinal condition than a good-tasting cola. Way to go, Pepsi. Your drink is now equated with feces, as if it wasn't already before.

Instead of watching 'Grey's Anatomy' afterwards, I simply went online to find out what a 'Code Black' was, and went to bed.

Weekend.

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I had a really good weekend, and I hope that those who shared it with me had a good one, too. On Friday evening, I had a gathering at the CDP Headquarters, culminating with dinner and bowling. Thanks for coming out, we should do it again next year. After dropping about $175 in one day, I again realized why I only throw about two parties a year. I have bills to pay, and this lavish lifestyle needs to be rationed out to achieve proper standards of living.

On Saturday, there were still people at our house, so we went out for breakfast and spent the rest of the day trying very hard to stay awake. We pretty much did the same on Sunday.

Albums.

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Here are the last 5 albums purchased by yours truly:

1. Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene
2. Animal Collective - Feels
3. We Are Scientists - With Love and Squalor
4. The Books - Lost and Safe
5. The Magic Numbers - The Magic Numbers

Crazylegs.

In 80 days, the Crazylegs Classic returns to Madison, Wisconsin. If you remember from last year, it was around this time I started whipping myself into runners form, accomplishing a big goal in running the race in under 46 minutes. Actually, running the race in itself was a huge goal for me, because I thought I was going to honestly drop dead.

Never one to learn an important lesson, I'm back for the attack, and my goal is simply to beat my previous time. It should be noted that since last year's race, I haven't ran a yard and I've probably put on about 5 pounds. However, the weather has been mild and I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and using my IPod again. I'll keep you posted.

Two-Year Vacation.

The CDP turns 2 on Sunday. In honor of this splendid feat, I am rewarding myself (and my readers) with a vacation. More on that later. Sound off in the comments section about how your weekend went.

Monday, February 6

It Ain't Easy Being White.

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This Friday, from 7-9pm central time, FOX will air what could be the last 4 episodes ever of Arrested Development. This 2-hour marathon will directly coincide with the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympic Games on NBC, virtually guaranteeing a dismal turnout for the multiple-Emmy winning and groundbreaking comedy.

In preparation for the (presumed) Series Finale, I've rounded up the official FOX press release for the final 4 AD episodes:

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT - 2-HOUR SEASON FINALE

IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR ON THE SPECIAL ALL-NEW TWO-HOUR SEASON FINALE OF “ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT,” FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, ON FOX!

#310- Faking It
#311- Family Ties
#312- Exit Strategy
#313- Harboring Resentment

Judge Reinhold, Justine Bateman and Jamie Kennedy make guest appearances in four back-to-back episodes. George Sr. hires a new attorney who asks the Bluths to participate in a mock trial to help prepare them for the real thing. The attorney gets actor Judge Reinhold, to preside over the mock case. Meanwhile, Buster fakes a coma to get out of testifying and George Michael and Maeby participate in a mock wedding to entertain hospital patients.

Back at the office, Michael discovers he may have a long-lost sister named Nellie Bluth. In an effort to get to the bottom of things, Michael tracks Nellie down and hires her as a consultant for The Bluth Co. Unfortunately, Michael discovers Nellie’s hands-on approach is more than he bargained for.

Meanwhile, Gob goes to Iraq to perform his Christian magic act on the USO tour and ends up incarcerated. Michael learns George Sr. sent Gob to Iraq to burn down the model home he built there, so Michael and Buster fly to Iraq to spring Gob from prison. The Bluth brothers head to the model home, where they make a discovery that could end the family’s legal troubles forever.
Back in Orange County, Lucille decides to throw a yacht party to celebrate. The Bluths gather aboard the Queen Mary for a trip that ends up being far from smooth sailing.

What do YOU think about AD? Sound off in the comments section, and I'll return with more photos and proper formatting shortly. The Pittsburgh Steelers rule.