Friday, September 24

Back For The Attack!

(INSERT FUNNY PICTURE OF RYAN AT WEIRD ANGLE HERE.)


No new posts in 7 days makes one weak.

Sorry about that, kids. Real life has a way of butting in every now and then, putting funny pictures and ween jokes on the back burner. I'm sure you've all been busy too. For the sake of full disclosure, here's what I've been up to:

1. Moving my ass off.
This month-long excursion is nearing the beautiful end. Within days, I'll be able to sit down and write again, and make myself a sandwich without having to drive across the street to my fridge. My back should feel better, and the cats can get down to ruining our new furniture.

2. Working my ass off.
My job is the same 40 hour week it's always been, but now it's been transformed into a real pain in the chute. I'm currently doing the jobs of FOUR, count 'em, FOUR people. Next week, that number will move to 5. Granted, I'm only doing a small portion of these 5 jobs, but they add up to a serious bleeding ulcer in my book. It used to be that my saving grace was that soon I'd be trying to write for a living. The move has really put a dent in this, and knocked me months off schedule. My movie is held up, our friends are moving all over the damn state, and I'm still waiting for my probation to be up.

3. Worrying my ass off.
For me and my wife, things are changing for us at a rapid pace. Moving out can depress anyone, but now we're having family matters to deal with. Celia recently lost her Grandfather, and my side of the family is no healthier. Coming from a young family, death is an issue I have very limited experience with. I don't wish to become more experienced in it, but it's inevitable. You have to deal with these things as they arise, as you could never possibly prepare for them. One thing I've found helps a lot is to have at least one person with whom to confide in. That's all you really need, and it can make a big difference. Don't bother trying to run from the train, it's going to run you over eventually, just accept it and get as ready as you can.

4. Starving my ass off.
I've somehow managed to survive on a 500 calorie-a-day diet. I haven't done it to lose weight, or for some religious right of passage either. I just skip breakfast, have microwave pasta and a diet soda for lunch, and nothing for dinner. I call it the "No Money, Too Lazy, Can't Cook" diet. Look for my new book out by Christmas.

In amongst the angst, there are a few good things abuzz. First off, HOORAY FOR AUTUMN! This is without a doubt, my most favorite, beautiful, wonderful time of year ever. From now to mid-November, if I'm walking around outside, I'll be happy. The glow of fall disintegrating to the desolate cold of December is like watching an entire life cycle in 2 months. I love it, I love it, I love it. Bust out the light jackets, shaggy hair and emo records, because nothing beats a Wisconsin Autumn. I apologize for my 12-year-old girl spazz out, but I just really need something to look forward to right now.

F! A! L! L!
Fall Is Just Swell! (Sing aloud with me.)

Have a great weekend. Maybe I'll see you, but I doubt it.
Ryan Jay-Z